Death by Induction - Part 2

“Actually MT stands for Managed Trainees, not…whatever you just said”

“Says who?” Kritin asked in a defiant voice.

“Dude, Nikku and Kardick both have close relatives who work for the company. They talked to all of us yesterday and revealed the ugly truth, apparently for our benefit. These recruitment people try to make you feel special before you accept the offer. After that, it is all about managing you and giving you all the bottom-level, support work until you manage to find a way out” Meechu answered.

This news seemed to sap Kritin of all his remaining courage. His shoulders visibly sagged and he covered his face with his hands. He also resumed his shivering, although that was partly because of the insanely low temperature setting for the room’s air-conditioning.

His reaction seemed to alarm the group.

“Er…are you ok? You are not having a stroke or something, right?” Kardick asked gently, looking a little scared. Kritin nodded to show that he was fine, at least physically.

“Give him some time Yaar. He just realized what a pickle he is in. Our reactions were not much better yesterday” Meechu told the others.

“Well no use fretting now. Just try to remain calm and professional and register on Naukar.com as soon as you get back to the hotel today evening.” Prachur commented wisely.

“Isn’t there a separate job search website for people from Well-known Management Institutes?” Nikku asked the others.

“Naah, it’s just named that way. Anybody can register.” Kardick grunted.

“Damn them!” Nikku exclaimed angrily.

In the meanwhile, Kritin had regained some of his composure. He looked straight ahead and mumbled, “Thank you guys for telling me this. Anyway, I don’t think it could be that bad. Maybe the people whom you talked to have become cynical having been in this company for so long and what you guys heard was a biased opinion.”

“Oh I think it might be much worse! Those people seemed to be holding something back” Prachur said.

“He is right in a way though. No point crying over spilt beer” said Meechu.

In the interim, a large, plump person had made his way to the podium. He cleared his throat loudly to announce his presence. Unfortunately he did that right in front of the microphone which happened to be on (and turned to full volume by the sound of it). Everybody in the room, including him, jumped in reaction to the sudden, loud sound.

“Sorry!” he screamed in the kind of shrill voice that makes your hair stand on end. Of course, the amplified sound was once again too loud for comfort. People covered their ears and glared at him reproachfully. He finally seemed to realize what the problem was and spoke in a much softer voice this time.

“My name is Puchir and I am from the HR. I am here to brief you all about the program for the week. Today we will have sessions by Mr. XYZ and Mr. ZYX. Ms. Feha will take a session on HR as well.”

At this point a vast majority of the audience turned to their neighbors and (presumably) started complaining about the atrocities they will be subjected to over the coming fortnight. The more liberated folks naturally decided to indulge in a more colorful way of expressing their feelings, only some of them even trying to keep their voices outside Puchir’s earshot.

Somehow, Puchir mistook the outburst of protests for excitement and/or enthusiasm. Sounding as if he was giving everybody a real treat, he added, “Before we get to the sessions, we have a bunch of forms for you to fill!”

A stunned silence followed this announcement. A couple of HR minions entered the room right on cue and started distributing packets that seemed to be bursting with forms of every size, shape and color.

“These bloody HR people! All they think about is the best way to simultaneously waste the time of the maximum number of people possible.” Prachur complained as a packet was ungraciously thrust in his face.

“Looking at this junk, this company’s HR team seems to be exceptionally efficient at it” said Nikku.

The next 2 hours passed in a blur of form-filling, non-stop bitching and people constantly trying to find spare pens (or occasionally, trying to find their only pen which they had graciously lent to somebody). After losing his patience within the first 10 minutes, Kardick decided to blindly write his name on and sign every page of every form, which to Kritin’s surprise worked quite well. Prachur after much provocation by the others decided to approach Priyu with the ready-made excuse of asking for a pen. To everybody’s amusement, he came back red-faced as in response to his query Priyu merely raised her eyebrows in surprise and got back to filling her form.

It took a couple of hours for most people to be done with their forms. The HR minions returned to collect the packages from everyone and carried the huge pile away on a broken trolley-like contraption which looked suspiciously like one of those garbage-carrying trolley used by municipal workers. Nikku was certain that he saw the word Garbage written on the far side of it.

“I am telling you guys! It was faint but unmistakable!” he tried to convince the others.

“Well good riddance if that’s true” said Kardick with a disgusted expression on his face.

Puchir made another appearance on the podium.

“Huuuhh…you guys can all go and have your lunch now. Make sure you return by 2 for the first session.”

“About bloody time!” Meechu exclaimed as there was a sudden scramble to get out of the room. Kritin and the others had to wait till almost everyone had left the room. They followed the mass of MTs to the cafeteria, where everyone seemed to be crowding around the entrance.

“What the hell is wrong with these people? Don’t they even know how doors work?” Meechu cried out in frustration.

An exceptionally tall guy standing just in front of him replied, “It seems MTs are being turned away from the cafeteria by one of the HR people.”

“Great! One HR giveth, another taketh away” said Kardick sounding tired and resigned to his fate.

“Where has Nikku disappeared?” Kritin asked, suddenly having noticed that there were four of them there.

“Good question. Maybe he went to the restroom” Prachur suggested.

In the meanwhile, there seemed to be a shouting match going on next to the crowded doorway. Presumably it was one of the girls in the group (the Neta sort) who was letting the evil HR have it. Or maybe it was the other way around. Everyone at the back was trying to catch a glimpse of this soap opera-ish tussle. After some five minutes, the HR emerged from the crowd, clearly in a towering rage. She stormed off towards one of the several corridors. The Neta, whoever she happened to be, announced in a loud (and dismayed) voice that the cafeteria could not handle such a large group of MTs and so they all were to make their own arrangements for lunch.

“Let’s head out to that dhaba close to the intersection before the guy’s food is wiped out by this mob!” Meechu had to shout in order to be heard over the din that had broken out after the announcement. All of them had to resort to running flat out to stay ahead of the crowd.

“Managed Trainees my ass!” Kardick exclaimed angrily as he was pushed hard by one of the guys running right behind him. “Some of these guys seem to be lifetime members of The Global Association for Rude and Dangerously Violent People!” None of the others were in any shape to comment.

Thankfully the sliding doors were left open at lunch time else quite a few of the MTs (including the gang) would have had to be scraped off the reinforced glass by medics. The mad rush ebbed noticeably once most MTs got past the gate. A lot of them headed to a diminutive Pizza Hut located right across the road and only few of the remaining ones followed Kritin and the gang to the rather shady-looking dhaba.

They were no sooner seated on a rickety bench in the dhaba when Prachur's phone started belting out one of those Punjabi numbers that are perennially popular with the DJs.

Prachur remarked before taking the call, "It's that idiot Nikku!"

(Rest in Part 3. This reminds me of one of those multi-issue comics...or even Kill Bill, except it had just 2 parts!) :D

Death by Induction - Part 1

Standard Disclaimer: Entirely a work of (non-sense) fiction. Any resemblance to a(n) person, place, event, animal, etc. is unintended and coincidental! *Wink wink*

"Yes?” the Security Guard asked as he looked up and saw the impeccably dressed, clean-shaven young man standing next to the window with an anxious look on his face.

He seemed to have chosen his clothes after going through the first chapter of "Business Attire for Dummies". He was sporting a no-frills, funeral black formal suit with what appeared to be a blindingly white shirt peering out, accompanied by a no-nonsense red tie. Everything about his attire screamed formal (or I-try-too-hard-to-please, depending on your way of looking at things). Unfortunately, the intended effect was spoiled by the fact that the poor guy looked a little pale and was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane.

"Er...sorry to disturb you. Ummm, I am a n-n-new joinee", was all that Kritin managed to say.

The Guard smiled knowingly. "Ah yes", he thought, "I should have recognized the symptoms."

The overtly formal and immaculate clothing, the anxiety, the paleness...everything matched the stereotype. He hadn't known too many who shook so much though.

"All new joinees came to the office together a little while back. Where were you?” the Guard asked in order to make conversation while he searched for a spare ID card holder. Bad move, he realized as soon as the words were out of his mouth. The guy turned even paler (which did not seem possible a few moments ago) and started blurting out excuses.

"I m-missed the bus because it was raining and there were too many people on the sidewalk so I couldn't reach the bus in time and I almost fell into the gutter..."

He would have gone on and on but the guard stopped him right there.

"Ok ok fine. It is all going to be all right", he said in a rather loud voice to calm the rookie down before handing him the card. "There you go; this is your ID card. Make sure you return it before leaving."

"Thank you sir! Thanks a lot!” Kritin said, carefully placing the strap of the ID card (which seemed to be just a torn piece of paper with an oil stain on it) around his neck while being ushered into the compound by another guard.

"Please take the first right from the atrium to reach the conference room next to the cafeteria", the second guard informed Kritin, who nodded and set out towards the main entrance at a rapid clip.

"Hope I haven't missed anything! What if the HR shouts at me in front of everyone and asks me to leave!?” Kritin thought. His heartbeat seemed to double with every step he took towards the sliding doors. He silently cursed his roommate at the hotel whose extended shower had set into motion the series of events that led to the missed bus and all the agonizing events that followed.

Slightly out of breath, he paused at the door to compose himself, running his fingers through his hair and straightening his jacket. The door slid open to reveal a huge atrium with hardly any people in sight. With no time to marvel at the impressive decor, he scampered to the corridor on the right and crossed it as fast as he could without looking like he was running. All the rooms seemed to be empty!

Maybe he had misheard the guard's instructions. On the brink of an all-out panic attack, he turned to rush back to the gate. That's when he noticed the board with "Conference Room" written on it, winking at him from the middle of the corridor. In his rush he must have went past it without noticing.

"Silly me", Kritin thought, feeling mightily relieved and smiling a little.
However, there was still the matter of getting past the HR to be taken care of. Trying hard to bring his breathing under control, Kritin moved towards the door. Now that he was so close to the room, he could hear sounds of laughter and banter. Kritin gulped. There seemed to be a lot of people in there. He was not at his best in front of large groups of strangers. In fact, he was usually at his worst in such situations! But no matter what, it had to be done. He steeled himself and pushed the door open hard. Apparently the push was a little too hard. He nearly flew into the room and ran smack into the back of a tall, pony-tailed guy standing right next to the door. He heard laughter as he got up, feeling faint and wondering why on earth the company would allow guys to keep such long hair (pony tails even!) in office.

The "guy" turned around and swept back some loose strands of hair hanging in front of her eyes irritably.

"Dude, do watch where you are going!” she snarled at him.

Kritin stood with his mouth open for a few moments before whispering a barely audible apology. It was clearly not enough to appease the girl, who glared at him for a few seconds before turning away haughtily and resuming her conversation with her friend who was still giggling.

Embarrassed and feeling humiliated, Kritin had a quick glance at the room. It was a fairly large, featureless room with a whiteboard and a podium at one end and a large number of chairs occupying the rest of the room. While some people were still snickering and looking in his direction (damn them!), most of the junta had moved back to their conversations. There seemed to be no HR in sight.

"Well at least that's a consolation", Kritin thought.

Some of the chairs in the middle seemed to be empty, so he started to move towards them.

"Hey dude! Come and sit with us."

Kritin searched for the source of the voice. He saw a guy sitting in the last row waving at him. He did not seem particularly well-dressed. Kritin would have preferred not to accept his invitation but he knew nobody in the entire batch and this seemed to be a good opportunity to network with some would-be colleagues. Grudgingly he changed directions and walked towards the last row. As he came closer he could see that the last row seemed to be occupied by a group of four people, including the guy who had hailed him. Two of them shifted to free a seat in the middle of their group. Kritin reached the seat and sat down, feeling a little uncomfortable sitting next to complete strangers.

"Hi, I am Prachur", the original hailer introduced himself.

"Hello. My name is Kritin", Kritin responded.

The rest of them decided to do away with the excessive pleasantries and just grunted their names.

"Nikku"

"Kardick"

"Meechu"

"So how was it?” Prachur asked somewhat eagerly.

"Er...how was what?” Kritin enquired, taken aback by this sudden query.

"Oh come on! You just collided with that totally hot chick, Priyu. How did it feel?” Nikku exploded.

Kritin felt his ears reddening.

"How can you talk like that about a colleague!” he retorted angrily.

The group seemed to let out a collective sigh.

"Ooh, you are that type!” exclaimed Kardick. He seemed deeply disappointed.

"Type? What does type have to do with anything? I just respect all my colleagues equally. You all should too!” Kritin said angrily.

"All right, all right...chill bro!", Meechu said. He seemed to be the most reasonable guy in this group. No wonder he was the most formally dressed as well. Kritin flashed him a weak smile.

"Which campus are you from anyway?” Prachur asked, still looking a little put off.

"Well-known Management Institute in North India (WKMINI)", Kritin replied, straightening his jacket a bit.

"What about you guys?” he asked in turn.

"We are all from Well-known Management Institute in South India (WKMISI)", Meechu said.

"Aren't there two well-known Management Institutes in South India?” Kritin enquired.

"Nope, just one", said Prachur.

Although he was a little confused by the reply, Kritin decided not to ask any more questions regarding this. He suddenly remembered that the Induction was supposed to begin at 9:30 AM. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was nearly 10:30 AM!

"Say, did you guys meet any HR people when you reached the office?” he asked the others.

"Just some loser who chided us for being late and said we had to wait here", Prachur replied, craning his neck to look in the direction of Priyu and her friends.

"Quite surprising. Forget welcoming us to the company, nobody has even bothered to come and meet us for an hour! Aren't we the highly regarded Management Trainees of this institution?” Kritin exclaimed with an air of importance about him.

The others burst out laughing so hard that quite a few heads in the room turned to look at the source of such a loud report of laughter.

“Sshhhh! What the hell!?” Kritin hissed as loudly as he dared to, completely mystified by this reaction.

Meechu, who seemed the only one capable of normal speech (because all others were too busy doubling up and wiping their eyes), tried to explain.

“Who told you we were Management Trainees?” he asked, his speech interspersed with fits of laughter.

Kritin’s eyes widened with shock.

“What? What else are we supposed to be then?” he ventured.

Prachur, who had finally succeeded in controlling his laughter, answered.

(Rest in the next entry, this was getting too long to read at one go...not to mention to write in a single stretch!)